CHICAGO — United Airlines unveiled a new ad campaign that will emphasize the length of time that’s passed since the coordinated attacks on the United States by members of al-Qaeda on September 11, 2001, sources report.
“United Airlines is aware that its reputation has suffered over the years, and this new campaign will attempt to remedy that,” representative Shirley Reddle said. “What better way to do this than by highlighting the fact that it’s been well over two decades since one of our flights was hijacked by terrorists and flown into a New York City skyscraper? We here at United Airlines like to focus on the positives in every situation, and this series of advertisements will remind our customers that whatever complaints they may have with our services are inconsequential in comparison to what transpired on the darkest day in our country’s history.”
Passenger Jake Rothski was uneasy about the new campaign.
“I mean, it’s obviously a good thing that we haven’t had a 9/11 in two and a half decades,” Rothski offered. “I just don’t know if that’s the best message for a company to put forth in its advertising. Isn’t keeping your customers safe from radical militants kind of the bare minimum for an airline? If that’s the best they can offer, I’ll just have to take my business elsewhere. After all, there are plenty of other airlines that can make the same claim while also offering much better customer service and more legroom. As far as I can tell, Delta wasn’t involved in 9/11 at all, and they’ve never lost my luggage like United has.”
Advertising expert Raul Huppman weighed in on the situation.
“Companies will often bring up tragedies in their commercials in lieu of actually taking measures to improve their performances and reputations among their customers,” Huppman provided. “Jack in the Box recently released an ad bragging that their food has not caused any deaths from E. coli outbreaks since the early nineties, and we can totally anticipate Boeing mentioning that no holes have recently formed in the sides of their planes within the next few years. Unfortunately, this is as close as companies get to accountability in late-stage capitalism, so consumers will just have to live with it.”
At press time, Ford had also released an ad campaign celebrating 31 years without one of their trucks being used to bomb a federal building.