CHERRY VALLEY, N.Y. — Ukulele artist Laurel D’Amato recently experienced a huge career leap when she was offered a gig as a jingle writer for a herpes medication, Grundlenex, excited sources confirmed.
“You know, I’ve been playing in a lot of great projects over the years, like my Decemberists cover band, The Crane Wives. And that was nice for a while, but there’s a ceiling,” said D’Amato. “I felt shackled by the creative process, and I wanted to branch out to more fulfilling projects, which is where writing catchy little ditties for huge, faceless pharmaceutical corporations comes in. When Grundlenex’s reps reached out, I just knew I could write a song that was so wonderfully twee, it could really help sell this exciting but largely untested medication.”
D’Amato’s new employer was thrilled with her approach to the project.
“When we got Laurel’s demo, we knew right off the bat that this was the Grundlenex sound,” gushed Grundlenex executive Justin Gunn. “It really honed in the concepts and creative direction for the rest of the commercial. A Tai Chi class near fields of chamomile and the golden retrievers running through it. Just perfect. These gentle chords also do such a good job glossing over for those awful side effects, too. Blah blah eyebrow loss and hallucinating your dead loved ones. Yada yada sharpened teeth and appetite for raw meat. I won’t get into it because what does it matter? Happy ukulele! Don’t think about it!”
Leslie D’Amato, Laurel’s supportive mother, is pleased that her daughter finally has consistent income.
“You know in college I was initially worried that she was going to just have this be a quirky quirk Zooey Deschanel phase, but she’s kept at it,” said the elder D’Amato. “I always wondered if she could have that drive, that focus. That she could one day write adorable music to soften the blows of predatory companies with sugary melodies to make them seem like human beings. And she has just grabbed the hell out of that brass ring.”
As of press time, D’Amato is at work on a commercial for a subprime mortgage company, a radio spot for Matt Gaetz’s congressional campaign, and even a preflight video for Boeing.