BALTIMORE — Several prominent public figures within the ”flat-earther” community recently attended the same Trapt concert, confirmed multiple sources.
“Everybody’s here tonight,” said avid Trapt devotee and noted conspiracy theorist Jason Boutchyard. “I would say I’m starstruck, if I believed in stars. Like, over there is Greg Sumpolec—he’s the guy who first penned the ice wall theory way back in 2007. And you see right next to him, with the soul patch and the barbed wire neck tattoo? That’s Zach Smith, the genius behind the podcast Equator Hater.’ See, this is what I love about Trapt shows, it’s a built-in forum for intelligent people to connect with each other and share ideas about the government’s lies, like ‘climate change’ or ‘sunsets.’ I’m grateful NASA hasn’t hid Trapt from us the way they hide God.”
Other attendees and those working the show shared Boutchyard’s enthusiasm.
“I‘ve known the earth is flat for over a decade now, and it’s all thanks to Trapt,” recalled roadie Samuel Hicks. “One day I was just going buckwild to ‘Headstrong’ in my room, and it finally clicked for me. The truth was circling, circling, circling my head, like the fallacy of the earth circling the sun. I looked at the pattern I’d punched in my drywall and realized it was a flat square.”
Dr. Lorraine Zaltzman, Professor of Astronomy at the University of Maryland, gave her expert opinion.
“Flat-earthers are certainly a ‘stand up’ community,” remarked a chuckling Zaltzman. “Our campus events are consistently protested by the local Trapt fanbase, where they accuse us of peddling lies about the shape and movement of the earth and other planets. I don’t know what the connection is exactly, but in my experience, the Venn diagram of Trapt fans and flat-earth conspiracy theorists is, well, a circle.”
As of press time, several notable flat-earthers signed autographs for eager show attendees, as well as the band members themselves.
Photo by Roberta.