15. Beehive Tetherball (Jackass 3D)
This one sounds exactly like what it is. Hit a bees nest around a pole like a tetherball. The bad news is we couldn’t find a bees nest lying around. The good news is that we did find a hornets nest. But the bad news about the good news is that hornet stings are way worse than regular bee ones. These stunts were harder to reproduce on your own than they looked.
14. Bam Punches Phil for a Day (Season 1, Episode 3)
This was supposed to be one of the “fun” ones. All we had to do was break into Phil Margera’s house and lightly rough him up throughout the day. Unfortunately, the cops did not find this amusing and they ended up beating the ever-living shit out of us. We didn’t get a ton of medical debt for this one, but we had to hire a lawyer because Phil is suing us for everything we’ve got. That still counts as debt.
13. Running of the Bulls (Jackass: Number Two)
Yet again we learned the hard way that the only thing bulls provide for the human race is a life-condemning amount of medical bills.
12. The Field Goal (Jackass 3D)
We hired the kicker from the New York Jets to punt a football directly into our body from six feet away. It’s easier to get a professional athlete to agree to this sort of task than one would think. But when you get the bill from the hospital for a broken jaw they are somehow nowhere to be found. Dick move.
11. Steve-O Staples Ass (Season 1, Episode 5)
On paper, stapling your butt cheeks sounds like a pretty simple task. Unfortunately, Steve-O makes this look easier than it is. Long story short, I haven’t been able to sit down in a week.
10. Pin the Tail on the Donkey (Jackass 3D)
Starting to think a majority of Jackass is primarily about letting wild animals pulverize you in one way or another. This feels like something PETA would totally get behind. If you are against eating animals then you’re probably fine with them kicking humans’ crotches for the sake of entertainment.
9. The Abduction, Featuring Brad Pitt (Season 3, Episode 8)
In this stunt, the Jackass crew kidnaps the real life Brad Pitt while standing in line. We couldn’t get in touch with the guy from Benjamin Button for him to agree, but that should never stop you from following your dreams of abducting a major celebrity as a prank. However, his bodyguards did not find this funny and left a significant amount of damage to our bodies. My left kidney no longer works.
8. The Rocket Cart (Jackass: Number Two)
The Jackass guys were no strangers to turning plain old grocery carts into murder wagons of death. For this stunt, we strapped rockets onto the sides of a stolen cart so we could launch into a lake. Turns out, firecrackers are not rockets and they tore us apart. Note for next time we try this one.
7. Grind This Rail (Jackass: The Movie)
If you’ve never skateboarded a day in your life, it’s probably not the best idea to head to the Hollywood high 16 and try your luck. In the end, we broke our tailbone. It’s a good thing humans don’t have tails or else this might actually matter in the long run.
6. The Fish Hook (Jackass: Number Two)
Theoretically, it should be pretty simple to pierce your cheek with an industrial grade fish hook and dive into shark-infested waters. It’s not. Jackass always warns you about the dangers of trying their stunts at home, but they never say a thing about the medical cost hardships you will accrue pretty quickly. Give us the whole picture next time, guys.
5. The Magic Trick (Jackass Forever)
There’s just something about getting absolutely decimated by a live bull that Johnny Knoxville just can’t get enough of. Us too. Unfortunately, neither MTV nor Paramount would reimburse our emergency room fees. Johnny just has it so easy.
4. Puppet Show (Jackass: Number Two)
The Jackass crew is not shy about showing their penises on the big screen for all to judge. This is especially true for Chris Pontius. In this stunt, Party Boy dressed up his dick in a custom-made mouse costume and let a snake bite the shit out of it. Evidently, our doctors get this sort of thing all the time so this was one of their “easier” fixes.
3. Lamborghini Tooth Pull (Jackass 3D)
For some reason dental coverage is separate from regular medical coverage. Regardless, we don’t have either and after letting our idiot friends pull our teeth using their ‘98 Honda Civic, we now have to deal with our dentist shaming us. At least that’s what the massive bill would suggest.
2. Bicentennial BMXing (Jackass: Number Two)
This was a twofer on expense stunts. Not only did we leave with a massive load of medical debt after taking a few nasty spills in the parking lot, but we also wrecked our sweet penny-farthing bicycles. Those things aren’t cheap. In fact, most of the damage came from just trying to get on top of the bikes.
1. Human Ramp (Jackass Forever)
The Human Ramp was a memorable sketch, mainly because you don’t need a lot of equipment or wild animals in order to try at home. You just need a plank and a skateboard. The downside is that you could end up with several broken ribs, internal bleeding, and thousands of dollars worth of medical costs that will financially ruin your family for generations.
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