Kevin Coutu
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local mother Erin Walsh sat her young son down for a quiet, heartfelt conversation about growing up…
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Skyler Hanrath
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Prospective job candidate Colin Hartnell artfully tucked his lustrous rattail beneath his shirt collar before his first…
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Kevin Coutu
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CLICHY, France — Cosmetics giant L’Oreal revealed that it will begin testing its makeup on only the hideous rabbits that…
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Patrick Coyne
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CLEVELAND — Friend of local polycule Devin Dietrich admitted to feeling “left out” during platonic activities that don’t require seven…
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Patrick Crooks
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SEATTLE — Longtime resident of the self-styled “Vanguard of the Proletarian Bohemian Collective” Adam Stewart admitted that he was in…
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Doug Kolic
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local 55-year-old nerd finally decided to heed the lame warnings of his beloved family and respected medical…
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Doug Kolic
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MENLO PARK, Calif. — Tech CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly lingering around the Meta campus in the hopes someone will…
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Kevin Coutu
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Researchers at UC Berkeley announced they had built the first sex robot with the capacity to feel…
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Skyler Hanrath
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HOUSTON — Local man Lou Marling assured himself that his years of failure could be played off as no more…
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Steve Packosky
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LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Millennial Scott Eardner momentarily lost himself in his local Fresh Thyme and spent his entire life savings…
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