Zack Zagranis
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RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit,…
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Patrick Coyne
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced yesterday that he had deployed the National Guard to Roku City, the fictional cityscape…
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Sarah Cortina
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GORHAM, Maine — A local punk squirrel known as Slip Nutz was found stuffing his cheeks with Wintergreen Zyn pouches…
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Jose Balderas
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LOS ANGELES — Local 16-year-old Nigo Pastolero was horrified to find his software developer father’s secret stash of 2000s-era streetwear…
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Rob Steinberg
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Fourth grader Stevie McLaughlin became the class loser for being the only student without a nasty case…
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Dan Kozuh
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DENVER — Despite living in a fully legal state, having no roommates, and being gifted a climate-controlled humidor for his…
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Jamie Godin
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ATLANTA, Ga. — Local punk Chester “Scuzz” Martin is reportedly getting his life together after abandoning street drugs in favor…
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Doug Kolic
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BRANSON, Mo. — A couple who recently welcomed the birth of a beautiful baby boy were inconsolable after it became…
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Brian Wishart
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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local father Jim Lapkus, who seemingly abandoned his family four years ago after saying he was just…
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Doug Kolic
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DULUTH, Minn. — A local piece of shit maître d’ at an upscale French bistro reportedly never passed on a…
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