WAYNE, N.J. — World-renowned MILF Stacy’s mom, made famous by rock band Fountains of Wayne, died suddenly last night due to a heart attack at the age of 53, sources close to the family confirmed.
“I was watching her out at the pool all day,” said 18-year-old David Anderson, who described Stacy’s mom as his “guardian angel.” “Then I saw her grab her chest and run inside, all nervous like. I got worried, you know? So I called 911, and they took her away in an ambulance. If I hadn’t been spying on her like always, who knows how long it would’ve been until they found her? It’s a shame she passed before I could work up the courage to talk to her.”
Stacy’s mom, who recently returned from a business trip to Toronto, allegedly showed no signs of distress before the incident.
“I’m truly going to miss her,” acknowledged Stacy’s mom’s daughter, Stacy. “She was a great mom, and an even better friend. I’m just nervous that the memorial this weekend is gonna be filled with a bunch of creepy dudes with middle-parted hair, wearing unwashed dress shirts.”
For their part, mourners around the world are expressing their grief over the sudden passing of their favorite hot mom.
“I’ll always remember that time I mowed your lawn and you winked at me. #RIPSTACYSMOM,” Twitter user @milf_hunter69 tweeted. Another user, @dustybubble_doubletrouble wrote, “Even in death, she had it goin’ on #milf #RIPSATCYSMOM.”
The memorial for Stacy’s mom will be held in her hometown of Wayne, N.J. As part of the celebration of a life well-loved, Fountains of Wayne agreed to a one-time only reunion to pay their respects.
“There was something exceptional about Stacy’s mom,” Fountains of Wayne frontman Chris Collingwood said. “Every time I listen to that sick guitar solo key change towards the end, I feel memories of Stacy’s mom rush through my loins.”
Stacy’s mom will reportedly be buried in her trademark red bathing suit this weekend. Meanwhile, her family has asked that people stop sending donations.
“Seriously — stop sending us pictures of your dicks,” said Stacy. “That’s not how you win over women. My mom had to change her phone number every three months because of you sick freaks.”