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St. Peter Guides Anthony Bourdain Through Gritty Part of Heaven With All the Food Trucks

HEAVEN — St. Peter spent the afternoon guiding Anthony Bourdain through the rough-and-tumble part of Heaven where the best food trucks can be found, noting the neighborhood was unruly but has “the most blessed and sacrosanct street eats in all of our cosmic kingdom.”

Bourdain, an atheist, was skeptical of the tour at first, until sampling Heaven’s pork belly bao, Cornish parsnip pasties, and saffron langostino skewers. “I’m still on the fence about all the halos and harps, but any place with food this good is Heaven enough in my book,” he said.

Eyewitnesses noted the two washing it all down with some red wine and a few communion wafers to cleanse the palate. St. Peter was reported to be surprised by Bourdain’s profanity and chain smoking, but ultimately charmed by his gratitude and humility.

“Don’t get me wrong, I could get used to this,” Bourdain said. “But I don’t see myself sticking around too much longer. I hear the night life is great in Hell, and I’ve always been more a fan of the music coming out of that place.”

This is a breaking news story. More updates to follow.

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