PALM BEACH, Fla. — East coast Floridians are excited about a new Spirit Halloween opening up at the “old Mar-a-Lago” following supposedly false rumors that former President Trump sold his longtime home, sources report.
“The timing of Trump’s arrest and legal debts couldn’t have been any better,” said Steven Silverstein, CEO of Spirit Halloween. “We’ve been looking for a prime location right next to a golf course for quite some time. The square footage of the estate alone should be more than enough to serve the entire South Eastern region of the state, maybe even all of it. Not to mention the overhead we can save on the gaudy props that are already on site. And we even hired Rudy Giuliani to wander around the place aimlessly and he’s absolutely scaring the crap out of customers.”
The CEO of Spirit Halloween wasn’t the only one excited about how big a space it was.
“It will be the biggest, the best. It will be the greatest Spirit Halloween the country has ever seen,” said former President and quadruply-indicted Trump. “Seriously, folks. It’s gonna be the spookiest Halloween of all time in America, ever, and it’s all thanks to my beautiful estate of Mar-A-Lago, all the work I’ve put into it over the years, including but not limited to all the actual horrors of my own brain that have been instilled in the walls of the place, that affect the atmosphere of the club enough to make it the most fantastic platform to ever host all America’s Halloween decorating and costuming needs.”
The installation of the horror-laden retail outlet is going to create hundreds of jobs, even some in unexpected areas.
“I was thrilled that Spirit came to me for consulting the layout of the store,” said Special Agent Joe Welch, FBI, who was tasked with repossessing severely critical classified documents that contain information about US defense systems and nuclear capabilities hidden at the estate. “I’ve been there for months already, so at this point, I know Mar-a-Lago like the back of my hand. And with what they’re paying me, I’ll finally be able to take my family on a little vacation. It’s such a relief to be able to alleviate some of my bills that have since only been supported by my government paycheck. Thanks, Spirit!”
At press time, Spirit Staff employees were placing “Former President” costumes on the shelf, the contents of the costume being an orange jumpsuit.