GREEN BAY, Wisc. — Local man Jason Broderick committed a grievous error in pressing the “Crazy Train” button instead of the “Welcome to the Jungle” button during his first shift DJing a Packers home game at Lambeau Field, appalled sources report.
“Yeah, this one’s totally on me,” a red-faced Broderick said. “I was given in-depth instructions on what situations call for Ozzy and what situations call for Axl, this is worse than the day both my parents were killed in separate car accidents at the same exact time. I just hope the fans can forgive me. I feel awful, especially because I was so excited for this gig. I grew up a huge Packers fan, so I know the Cheeseheads are expecting to hear the appropriate music to express their mood at any given time during the game. I hope I can redeem myself.”
Packers fan Julie Hernandez was taken aback by Broderick’s misstep.
“It was the beginning of the second quarter and we were up by seven with the ball on the 46-yard line,” Hernandez noted. “It was first down because Jordan Love had just completed a pass to Christian Watson after a stellar punt return by Jayden Reed. Anybody with half a brain knows that the situation called for a sick Slash riff, so I was really surprised and, frankly, disgusted when I heard a Randy Rhoads guitar lick instead. What, did this guy think we were post-halftime and our defense was on the field? What the hell was he thinking?”
Broderick’s boss Veronica Simon expressed her displeasure at the poor performance of her protégé.
“We went over this repeatedly before he took the DJ booth,” Simon sighed. “Jason went through our mandatory month-long boot camp, and I really put him through the ringer because I believed in him and knew he could excel at this position. I know he went into his first day knowing exactly when to play each song, and he not only let me down, but he let down his team, his city, and the NFL at large. He could’ve been great, but maybe he’s just not ready for the big leagues. I’m going to give him another chance, but to be completely honest, I don’t have high hopes for him anymore.”
At press time, Simon had decided to postpone Broderick’s training on the “Enter Sandman” button, stating that he clearly wasn’t ready for it yet.