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Rockabilly Band Dips Instruments in Barbicide After Set

BRANSON, Mo. — Rockabilly band The Soda Jerks dunked all of their instruments in a giant vat of Barbicide following their set last night in order to quickly and efficiently disinfect the equipment, confirmed perplexed sources.

“Don’t flip your lid, that’s how we end all our gigs!” Soda Jerks guitarist Freddy “Dibs” Barrow explained while taking an unpaid cigarette break from his job at SuperCuts. “When it’s time to hit the road and haul ass to the next town, we gotta have our gear mint and ready to cruise. So we got a big ol’ tub of that beautiful blue Barbicide to get our rig nice and cherry. The only drag is it costs a fair bit of bread. Last year we only did one tour of western Missouri and spent about $90,000 on gear. You do the math, daddy-O!”

Although onlookers reported confusion upon seeing the band intentionally submerge their instruments into the hospital-grade disinfectant solution, the prevailing mood was one of relief.

“Mostly, I was just glad they’d stopped playing,” admitted concertgoer Alana Roberts. “I didn’t even know rockabilly was a thing, but apparently it’s a music genre where guys dress up like Jesse from ‘Full House’ and sing songs about cigarettes and cars? It’s kind of cute, but they were really hung up on the whole barbershop thing. Like, while we were waiting for them to come on stage they passed out old magazines for us to read. And then they came out for an encore, but, instead of playing more songs, they just brought my boyfriend on stage and gave him a shave.”

The Soda Jerks’ post-performance tradition may have cost them tenfold what they were paid for the gig, but health officials are in favor of their commitment to sanitation.

“Although it doesn’t make any economic sense for the band, it’s good for the public health,” noted Dr. Alisha Wallace, WHO Regional Director for North America. “Concerts are prime conditions for outbreak events. You have lots of people in a confined space, bumping against each other, yelling, sweating, and potentially spreading illness. So, from a health standpoint, it can’t hurt to give the instruments a thorough cleaning before carrying any potential pathogens to a new location. Honestly, we could probably wipe out half the contagious diseases in the world if we could get Leftover Crack to start doing this.”

As of press time, The Soda Jerks were forced to postpone the rest of their tour after their hot rod blew a gasket attempting to win a drag race against a bicycle.