WASHINGTON — Large factions of America’s right-wing who idolize Winston Churchill were united in horror at learning that he had a long-standing beef with German leader Adolf Hitler nine decades ago, confirmed multiple sources.
“Winston Churchill is the epitome of a conservative leader,” said Tim Scout, leader of the Young Republicans. “However, he also had some controversial views as well. Did you know that in the 1930s and ’40s, he advocated for violence against people with far-right views on a staggering scale? He literally sent armies into Europe with the express goal of silencing right-wing voices and called the duly elected leader of Germany a ‘monster of wickedness,’ which is an incredibly rude way to refer to Mr. Hitler. It’s almost as bad as when Hillary Clinton called us a basket of deplorables. And my grandfather who would have loved Trump actually fought in WW2 to make sure Clinton had freedom to say those kinds of things. Shame on her.”
British historians consider Winston Churchill to be a confusing choice for American right-wingers to rally around.
“Churchill is a divisive figure here, especially in the North,” said Professor Annabelle Smythe. “He deployed troops to break up strikes in Liverpool and Cardiff and had some wild ideas about race, but everyone on Earth can agree that one thing the man definitely had was a throbbing boner for killing Nazis. But now a large groups of conservatives are flying the Nazi flag as a point of pride. I don’t know how someone can claim to love America and democracy so hard, but then support it’s most evil enemy.”
The conspiracy theorist known as Q stated that they believe Churchill would support Trump if still alive.
“Just as JFK Jr. will one day reveal himself to be alive, it’s clear to me Churchill faked his death,” wrote Q during a recent Q drop on 4chan. “No, not faked his death, cos then he’d be 150 years old. They put his brain in…no that’s not good. Oh, here we go. Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was born in 1965, the same year Churchill died so Kavanaugh is Churchill reborn. There we go. Nailed it. So Kavanaugh likes Trump therefore Churchill does too. Future proves past #WWG1WGA, etc., etc.”
Far-right pundits announced they have decided to ignore history and common sense and to continue misquoting Churchill for the foreseeable future.