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Punks Ditch Facebook Feed for Warm Sound of Typing out Website URL

PHILADELPHIA — Residents of the local punk house known as “The Egg” are leaving Facebook for an “old school” approach to web browsing: directly typing a site’s address into their browser’s search bar, sources confirm.


“Man, back when I was coming up, my friends and I used to go to websites all the time. But, then, life just sorta happens, I guess. It’s easy to get complacent when social media platforms feed you information, even if it’s just what they want you to see,” said house member and record store employee Andrew Scott. “I can’t even remember the last time I saw a homepage. I don’t wanna be one of those old dudes who forgets where he came from.”

Scott kicked off what some have called a “revolution” earlier this year when he visited one of his favorite sites directly — without reaching it from his Facebook newsfeed.

“I just got fed up with the manufactured corporate bullshit,” Scott said. “Sometimes you just want to type some WWWs, you feel me? That’s where the scene is heading. Some of us old school guys even throw in the HTTP and some backslashes when we’re feeling raw.”

Housemate and longtime internet user Caroline Keothavong claimed this new way of experiencing the web has been “life changing.” Allegedly, she has already spent over $200 upgrading her keyboard to better enjoy the “warmer, sweeter, and fuller” sound of typing in a website’s domain by hand.

“The clack of the keys against the board, it’s such a peaceful noise… rich and warm. Not like some painful tap on the clickbait in my feed,” she said. “It’s not just some nostalgic throwback — this is real computing.”

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Scott’s groundbreaking technique is gaining praise from all over — for the user’s freedom to choose what they look at, for the “handcrafted” feel of typing in a URL, or for the way ad revenue collected from their browsing supports the websites they visit, rather than the pocket of a billionaire titan of industry.

“This trend is still on the up-and-up,” said technology analyst Marcel Grimm. “Users are feeling alienated by these big social media sites, and finding a way to circumvent that is exciting — like a secret passageway.”

“I think the next big thing will be the bookmark toolbar,” he added. “Look out for that later this year.”

At press time, Keothavong was seen uploading a short video onto her Instagram story of scrolling through a website’s homepage.

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