VANCOUVER, Canada — A group of snack-loving punks chanted “Encore!” with vigorous intent after Costco sample lady Liu Mei finished handing out her last free serving of jalapeño poppers before exiting the station, confirmed sources.
“It’s not even about what she serves. It’s how she serves it. The way she puts the food in those little paper cups, how she knows her way around a toaster oven, the thoughtfulness to check with the folks in the back if they got some before serving seconds. Lebron James was put on this Earth to play basketball, Liu Mei was put on this Earth to serve samples,” said punk Cartavius Ja’Kobe before shouting for Mei to come back on and serve one of her greatest hits, chicken wonton. “That show was legendary. It was the greatest performance next to a frozen food aisle I have ever seen.”
Mei has been in contentious arguments with Costco ever since her memorable chicken wonton set, and yesterday’s Jalapeno Poppers show was the breaking point.
“I’m hearing the chants. They want the samples. They want me, and as I get back on for an encore to serve a fan favorite, spinach mozzarella ravioli, these Costco motherfuckers just take my whole station. Toaster oven and everything,” said Mei irately during a rehearsal for her new serving, Korean Gopchang Rock Seaweed. “It was embarrassing. My fans wanted an encore, and I couldn’t give them that. You wouldn’t tell Justin Bieber he’s not standing on business, so don’t tell me I can’t serve my samples. I’m the fucking star of this membership-only chain club retail warehouse.”
The outcries from Mei fell on deaf ears as Costco Store Manager Ron Donaldson responded that they’re just following protocol and this is how they handle all of their talent.
“We run a tight ship. This is Costco. If we start allowing samplers to do encores, then where does it end? Should we drop the need for a membership to attend? No. We have customers shopping, and if our samplers perform longer than the allotted time, it can create overcrowding hazards,” exclaimed Donaldson while he navigated the onslaught of unattended shopping carts and mothers searching for their lost kids. “There’s no special treatment with any of our samplers, no matter how popular they are. It’s Costco. Not Sampleco. Liu shouldn’t forget who made her.”
At press time, Mei announced that she would be cutting ties with Costco and serving samples independently.
