OLYMPIA, Wash. — Professional punk magician Lyle “Skid” Harber is reportedly creating spectacles at a number of dive bars in his neighborhood by magically making friends’ cigarettes disappear, confirmed sources who couldn’t believe they were already down to a few cigarettes left in their pack.
“When Skid is around, my full pack of Camel Filters gets down to the lucky within minutes,” said friend and fellow dive bar patron Nell Manoukian. “I have no idea how he does it but it’s amazing! Sometimes, I’m even missing a few bucks out of my wallet, but I don’t mind. I love to be dazzled! Seems like word is traveling fast about this guy too. That’s why everyone tries to hide their smokes when he’s around, but by the end of the night they’ve all made several trips to 7-Eleven to re-up on their packs. Just an incredible talent on display.”
Harber says spectators are constantly asking him how he performs his tricks and many have theorized advanced sleight-of-hand techniques or the use of prop cigarette packs.
“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Harber said, uncannily doubling the pile of empty PBR cans before him. “Let’s just say it’s all about knowing when to make my move and doing it with unquestioning confidence. It helps to believe that those cigarettes never belonged to my friends in the first place. Magicians are always three or four steps ahead of everyone. That’s how I haven’t bought a pack of cigarettes in five years.”
Local children’s magician Dottie Henderson, known to fans as The Amazing Dottie, says Harber has gone too far with his trickery.
“Magic is supposed to be about creation and sharing,” Henderson said. “Not only is this Skid guy teaching people it’s ok to use magic for personal gain, he’s undercutting all of us entertainers who have been in the biz for decades. Where I’d charge a full day’s salary for a 20-head kids’ birthday party, he’s doing it for three drink tickets and a Marlboro Light. And by the end of it, the kids have managed to pocket every lighter in sight. Why can’t he just juggle scarves like the rest of us?”
Harber reportedly plans to move on to more spectacular pursuits, daring even to try his hand at necromancy, claiming that “punk’s not dead, or it won’t be after I’ve worked my magic on it.”