PORTLAND, Ore. — A pro-Palestine march has reportedly changed courses today after it turned back around to begin a new protest condemning the latest IDF war crime committed since the demonstration began, sources confirmed.
“We came out an hour ago to protest a refugee camp bombing and we’ve already had to turn back around to begin a new protest when the IDF shot up a field hospital,” said pro-Palestine demonstrator Casey Heinz, crossing off “no bombing schools” and writing “stop shooting doctors.” “And these are just the ones making international news, we can’t even keep up with all the videos IDF soldiers are posting that start with ‘hey, check out this sweet war crime.’ Alright folks, we’re turning around again—the IDF just bombed two more schools.”
The unpredictable nature of the marching route has reportedly caused confusion among the local police force tasked with violently regulating the peaceful demonstration.
“Me and the boys came out here to bust some heads, but we can’t seem to pin these slippery bastards down! Every time we get a blockade set up they turn around and head a different direction with some new protest,” said Officer Bart Tillman, chugging a Gatorade. “We thought we had them for a minute, but we got all confused and accidentally kicked the shit out of a 5k fun run. Thankfully it was only a fundraiser to benefit the ACLU so we didn’t feel bad, but still.”
Meanwhile the Israeli Defense Forces condemned the prolonged march and unorthodox route the protestors were taking.
“It is simply unacceptable that the US government has allowed this terrorist group to spread their propaganda through this threatening walking display. Not to mention that our intelligence has indicated that they are likely spelling out something sinister with their GPS route to send secret messages to our enemies,” said Herzi Halevi, Chief of the General Staff for the Israeli Defense Forces. “See that line there? Clearly the beginning of an H for Hamas. God only knows the damage they will be able to inflict by the time they get to the S.”
At press time, a protester who had been marching back and forth since the Rafah Tent Massacre reported that his fitbit finally exploded.