BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Popular chip band Pringles announced a new ad campaign that will be built around the slogan, “It’s Okay to Fuck the Can!” according to disturbed and uncomfortable sources in the snack food industry.
“Here at Pringles, we believe in a deliciously crunchy snacking experience,” gushed Tom Calloway, Head of Marketing for Pringles. “However, we also believe that you have the right to do what you want with the packaging once you’re done eating. Or before you eat them, I guess? Look, it’s up to you when and if you want to bang the can. We just want you to know it’s okay. But, the Pringles brand you know and love isn’t changing. In fact, we will also continue using our beloved, original slogan. We’ve simply modified it a bit: ‘Once You Pop, You Can Wipe It Up with a Sock and Take a Nap.’”
Although many have balked at their audacious new approach, Pringles claims that the campaign tested extremely well with focus groups.
“Finally, Pringles has given us the permission we’ve all been longing for!” exclaimed satisfied customer Owen Frisch, spotted in line at the supermarket with a shopping cart full of Pringles. “In the Pringles fan community, we’ve been waiting for this announcement for years. You see, the Pringles can is incredibly versatile. Sure, you can fuck it, but it can also fuck you! It’s fantastic. The only way they could improve it would be to create a can that calls me a pathetic little cuck when I’m hiding in the linen closet watching it sleep with my wife.”
Before unveiling the new campaign, Pringles consulted with physicians and sex therapists to ensure there would be no health or safety concerns for customers who choose to be intimate with their can.
“Honestly, I think it’s terrific,” noted sex therapist Dr. Sarah Leibowitz. “Our culture needs this kind of sex positivity and I’m glad Pringles is there to tell everyone, ‘As long as you’re not hurting anyone, be our guest.’ It’s completely harmless. Well, that reminds me, there actually is one caveat. It’s very important that people remember to rinse out the can beforehand, especially when using the Scorchin’ Buffalo flavor.”
As of press time, Pringles was preparing to bolster the “Snacks You Can Fuck” line with their newest product, a Ziploc bag full of grape jelly.