LOS ANGELES — An ominous and plentiful crest of white smoke poured out of podcaster and “Jackass” star Steve-O’s thoroughly misused and ill-treated ass signifying the release of the new film “Jackass Forever,” ecstatic sources confirmed.
“Over the years, I’ve voluntarily inserted all manner of foreign objects and incendiary devices up my ass, but I was still shocked when my house filled with a thick white smoke the day the first ‘Jackass’ movie came out,” said Steve-O. “Initially, I figured it was a coincidence. Maybe Pontius shoved a smoke bomb up there after I fell asleep the night before. But lo and behold the same thing happened for ‘2’ and ‘3.’ I tried to do it on film, but unfortunately it’s totally involuntary. I have no idea where it’s coming from, but people have come to rely on it.”
“Jackass” producer Jeff Tremaine explained how Steve-O’s strange ability became an integral part of their creative process.
“While it might seem like we’re a bunch of dudes with camcorders indulging in severe testicular trauma and wallowing in elephant shit, there’s actually a great deal of forethought that goes into the release of a new ‘Jackass’ movie,” explained Tremaine. “After filming, the entire crew meets up at my Venice Beach place to edit the film. As for which stunts make it into the final product, we let Steve-O’s ass be our guide. A white smoke ring means it’ll be in the film, and a puff of black smoke sends it to the cutting room floor.”
Dr. Yassin Whitfield, who has treated many of the injuries suffered on set, provided insight into Steve-O’s unique condition.
“Spending the past two decades treating his rectum like a kitchen junk drawer naturally would have some adverse side effects. But nobody expected that his body would become a Magic 8 Ball of sorts,” said Dr. Whitfield. “And he’s not the only one from the show who’s gained ‘powers’ of sorts. Wee Man can dislocate all 206 of his bones at will, and Johnny Knoxville now has so much saw-scaled viper venom in his blood that on occasion he can see through time.”
At press time, Steve-O is earning extra cash between “Jackass” films by renting his ass out for gender reveal parties.