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Parasocial Relationship Much More Fulfilling Than Actual Relationship

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Local woman Sarah Donnelly admitted that the parasocial relationship she shares with actor Kyle McLachlan through TikTok is exponentially more fulfilling than the real-life relationship she shares with her boyfriend of four years, sources confirmed.

“He’s just so full of life,” Donnelly says about the Twin Peaks star. “He is always posting these videos where he’s dancing or singing, just being so silly and loveable, in a way that James (Templeton) never is now that he’s joined his poker league. Every night I look forward to James falling asleep so that I can watch Kyle’s little TikToks. I think I’m heading towards needing to talk to my therapist about this for obvious and kind of distressing reasons.”

Templeton, on the other hand, seems to have no idea that his partner has eyes for another prospect.

“I don’t know who Kyle McLachlan is,” Templeton said while holding PS5 controller in one hand, a Monster energy in the other, and not looking up from the TV. “But yeah, Sarah and I are cool I guess, we don’t really fight or anything which is good, I think. I mean, she’s definitely mad at me for missing her birthday last month, and I was out with the boys for our anniversary this month, but you know, that kinda stuff happens when you’re in a long-term relationship. We both still have to be individuals.”

McLachlan’s social media manager Darrel Rodriguez admits he purposely crafted his client’s online presence to win the hearts of women in disappointing relationships everywhere, maximizing his influence and re-igniting his career.

“I really like to showcase Kyle doing the absolute bare minimum,” said Rodriguez. “Most women in relationships don’t ever even experience a man with as much as a clean floor, so as long as we show Kyle being a normal and not annoying or repulsive guy, women in their twenties fawn over him. It gives women everywhere hope, and it’s going to bring all of his old movies back to Netflix.”

At press time, Donnelly shared that she would be changing her phone wallpaper to a screenshot from McLachlan’s latest upload of him trying to hold three cats at once.