WASHINGTON — The Trump administration ordered a trove of new documents related to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., which contains new information about…
MINNEAPOLIS — Baxter Lenin, guitarist for Ketamine Chainsaw, recently received a “pre-denial offer” in the mail from Capital One, confirmed sources. “My first thought after…
WASHINGTON — US Attorney General Pam Bondi responded to scathing public inquiry regarding the so-called Epstein client list by posting a video of her singing…
BOISE, Idaho — Local piece of shit Jesse Schweitzer was charged with impersonating a police officer after assaulting his entrapped girlfriend Denise Soderstrom, confirmed sources.…
LOS ANGELES — WeHo-based firearms enthusiast Dave Simpson recently saw a drastic uptick in popularity amongst his left-of-center friends, confirmed sources who just wanted to…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Local 37-year-old man Dan Dweyer recently added the word “storyteller” to his Instagram bio despite frequently engaging in the conversational technique known…
BALTIMORE — A recent study out of Johns Hopkins confirms there’s absolutely nothing cool about drugs, except for all the cool stuff you’ll see, hear,…
NEW YORK — Producers of the long-running children’s program “Sesame Street” resorted to accepting sponsorship from popular male wellness brand Hims in the wake of…
NASHVILLE — Local good samaritan Marvin Bell reportedly made bystanders uncomfortable today after he zipped up a stranger’s fly for him, weirded out sources reported.…
NEW YORK — Beloved children’s author R.L. Stine was wondering if he should alienate a large swath of people who grew up reading his books…
DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local Submissive Seventh fan and total dweeb Derek Maldonado reportedly threw away any remaining ounce of self-respect he had after asking the…
BUSHWICK, N.Y. — Bushwick child Avery Bridgerton reportedly acted quite cagey when questioned on the playground about how they could afford their Barbie Dreamhouse, confirmed…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Health officials working the medical tent at the popular Living Flesh Music Festival have confirmed reports of a full-blown outbreak of Dry…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance was reportedly left sitting on the curb for several hours today after President Trump forgot to pick him up…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local forklift driver Kenny Avalon couldn’t resist the urge to show you a Facebook video of a bunch of guys playing Metallica’s…