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Opinion: Everything That I’ve Listened to and You Haven’t is Underrated

The best thing about music, whether it be punk or metal or any genre of music that has been around long enough to establish strong facets of elitism amongst its fans, is that there is an endless well of bands to listen to and discover. And given that fact, there are so many bands that you haven’t heard and today I am here to tell you every single one of those bands is criminally underrated, and you are an absolute fucking piece of dog shit for not listening to them.

Like there’s this killer metal band called Ironpalm that put out 10 copies of their record in 1984 and anytime I bring them up to any of my metalhead friends, they are dumbfounded. I cannot believe no one has heard this band! They blend all the best parts of early Metallica, Slayer, and Iron Maiden into a delightful blend of power thrash. Yet, they remain so obscure that even some of the band members I’ve tracked down online can’t remember any of the music. I ended up tracking down a copy of their only record for $750 dollars and it was worth getting my car repossessed because I couldn’t afford the payment, this album is that good. The fact you haven’t heard it makes me want to set my crotch on fire and fuck a gas pump, that’s how mad I am.

You know what else? There’s this local band that plays at the bar down the street, the Brass Ballard. They’re called Born Again and they’re a Black Sabbath cover band that only plays Ian Gillan-era Black Sabbath songs. Sure, he only sang on one record, so their set list is pretty predictable, they would definitely start going places on the Casino tribute band circuit if they’d just apply themselves more. You probably wouldn’t get it, you’re too busy listening to Top 40 radio, any time I hear Harry Styles I literally jam a pen into my ear. My doctor tells me that if I keep doing that I’ll die, and I don’t even care anymore.

But it isn’t all just metal, no way. A lot of the podcasts I listen to should be heard by so many more people than those who actually do. There’s a sweet one on the history of Bulk and Skull from the “Power Rangers’ that I really believe more than four of us should listen to. Those guys are super relatable and I think their story should be turned into their own Netflix series soon. But again, I guess you aren’t ready to have your mind expanded. The hosts are so funny I sent them one of my fingers in a box as a joke, they are going to think it’s hilarious.