PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Presidential hopeful Nikki Haley says she is committed to remaining in the race for the 2024 Republican Presidential Nominee while also fully endorsing frontrunner Donald Trump, confirmed campaign officials.
“I’m going to stand and fight for the Republican Party and together we can take America in a new direction,” said Haley. “That’s why New Hampshire is so important. The voters here can make a difference and show the world they want an alternative. I’d also like to announce that I back Donald Trump and believe he is the right man for the job. He is the only one who can defeat Biden and the radical left. When you get to that ballot box make sure to vote Haley. But I’ll be voting for Trump.”
Independent New Hampshire voter Kevin Patterson admitted he was confused by Haley’s message.
“I think Trump is a danger to democracy and I’d love to see an alternative to him or Biden, but I’m not sure what she wants me to do here. My vote is sacred, and if I waste it now I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I could have the one vote that changes everything, like in that ‘Swing Vote’ with the guy from ‘Yellowstone,'” said Patterson from his Ford F-150. “It made sense when DeSantis endorsed Trump, that little weasel is spineless and wormy, but I expected more from Haley. It’s already tough for me to admit I’m voting for a woman, this might be the last time I ever do that.”
Former President Trump seemed to bask in his former rivals endorsing him.
“It’s sad, so sad, to see everyone groveling at my feet saying ‘Donny, I didn’t mean what I said, please select me for VP.’ I know what they are trying to do, I’m not dumb, I’ve read every word in every language. I’ve even made up a bunch of the best words that everyone still uses,” said Trump. “Everyone who uses words has me to thank for it. Believe me. I’ve also invented a new way to make soup. All the chefs in the world want to know how I do it, and when I’m president again I’ll finally tell them. I’m also going to deport anyone who didn’t vote for me.”
At press time, Haley was expected to be the keynote speaker at a Trump rally in Concord.