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New Streaming Service Just Plays Commercials as Background Noise While You Look at Phone

NEW YORK — New streaming service Advu, now available on all platforms, allows users to just play commercials in the background while they look at their phone, distracted sources who never make human eye contact confirmed.

“We’re very excited to offer our subscribers an endless glut of ads so they can scroll their phone and not have to sit alone in silence,” said Advu marketing strategist Ashleigh Muldune. “After extensive research, we discovered that most users of other streaming platforms aren’t actually paying attention to anything happening in whatever show they have on anyway, and now for only $12.99 a month, or $18.99 for 4K HDR, we can serve them nothing but commercials.”

Some consumers are excited about a new service that allows them to endlessly scroll through stupid bullshit on their phones.

“At the end of a long day, I just want to mindlessly look at memes or my friends’ vacation photos. But I don’t want to feel totally alone, so I put on Netflix,” said Advu user Katie Becker. “I mean, I tried watching some things like that ‘Silo’ show on AppleTV but after a few minutes I found myself looking at my phone and reading clickbait headlines about some awful political thing and they just…” Becker trailed off at this point and started looking at her phone again.

Advertising executive Ken Benson said Advu has the potential to revolutionize the industry.

“Although it may seem counterintuitive for us in the ad world to want a platform like Advu that no one is actually paying attention to, it is actually terrific since it forces people to look at social media even more, which is where all advertising is happening anyway,” said Benson. “And with eye-tracking technology through a user’s camera which we may or may not but definitely do have the ability to do, we can see what ads make them look up at their TV for a split second and then serve them nothing but content for that product.”

At press time, execs at Advu said they are looking at rolling out a premium service Advu+ which would play the sound of a user’s loved one talking about their day as just another background noise for them to ignore.