SAN FRANCISCO — Local boxed food mix Rice-A-Roni unveiled a new advertising campaign that featured them embracing their roots in the Bay Area thrash metal scene, confirmed sources who thought it was about time for that.
“Exodus, Testament, Rice-A-Roni. When you think of Northern California thrash in the early ‘80s, you will forever think of the San Francisco treat,” said marketing coordinator Stacey Liu. “The regional scene had a so-called ‘Big Six’ of entities. However, our new ad features our product as the seventh wonder of the Bay Area thrash scene. Sure, some are saying our use of Death Angel’s ‘Humanicide’ in the commercial is a little out of touch because the ingredient list includes a bunch of unpronounceable chemicals like disodium inosinate. But I assure you, we are not trying to commit genocide on the human race via processed rice. We just want to let the general public know we are still a thing and cut off our sleeves just like the everyday consumer.”
The new campaign appeared to be a smashing success within the metalhead community.
“I haven’t thought about eating rice out of a cardboard box since 1997,” said longtime metal fan Blake Carpenter. “But after seeing the ad I’m suddenly in the mood for cheddar broccoli rice pilaf that only takes three minutes to make in the microwave. In fact, I recently found myself buying every flavor from the grocery store. I’ve never been personally marketed to and to be honest, it’s quite refreshing. More capitalism should be geared towards me via Lȧȧz Rockit specifically.”
Local experts have noted that this wasn’t the first time a food product attempted to reach a more alternative demographic.
“Companies have been trying extremely hard to win over particular music scenes for decades,” said advertising director Gloria Bennett. “Hamburger Helper once attempted and failed to win over the DC hardcore scene. The people behind Stove Top’s stuffing mix went hard after the ‘90s Seattle grunge scene, but they were more of store brand fans. Not to mention, Count Chocula targeted goths hard in the ‘80s. That one actually worked. Still to this day, Boo Berry is the go-to breakfast for people who liked ‘The Crow’ movie.”
At press time, the marketing company doubled-down on the campaign after paying Kirk Hammett $50,000 to appear in one of their commercials.