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Mid-30s Woman Survives Crazy Bender of Introducing Self to Three Strangers, Following Them on Instagram

DURHAM, N.C. — Local graphic designer Kendra Thayer was relieved to wake up intact after an intense night of introducing herself to three complete strangers that culminated in mutual Instagram follows, astonished sources report.

“I don’t know what came over me,” Thayer said. “I haven’t done anything like that since college. Back then I’d meet five, maybe ten people a night, and I’d wake up with three or four DMs from people most mornings asking me if we were still on for brunch. I was posting on so many walls every day. I have no idea how I had that kind of stamina. The morning after I followed these people, I nearly gave myself a migraine trying to scroll through their pics and like just enough to show that I was interested in continuing our friendship, but not overly expectant or obsessive.”

Thayer and wife Beth Ainsley had been enjoying a drink at Archie’s when Thayer approached a group of three strangers to compliment one of their handbags.

“I thought that version of Kendra was gone when she lost the password to her MySpace account, but I guess old habits die hard,” Ainsley said. “I was right there with her in her Top 8 in those days, but now, we’re too old to be doing that kind of stuff. I can follow maybe one or two trending Instagram accounts a week, sure, three if I’m feeling saucy. But to meet people in real life and exchange follows so quickly? I’m amazed she still has it in her. I’m a little worried, if I’m being honest. A couple weeks ago she joked around with a cashier at Target. I don’t know if I can keep up.”

Fortunately for Thayer, her new acquaintances did not return the favor.

“I don’t know who that person is and I don’t care to,” said “new friend” on Instagram Davida Hardy. “I added a new person to my close friends list this past April and my roster is full. It’s too much. You can’t expect me to keep up all evening sending fire reacts to pics of a glass of wine, or heart emojis to reels of someone’s kids in a pumpkin patch forever. I wish her the best but I just can’t commit to a new follow right now.”

At press time, Thayer was temporarily deactivating her Facebook account and setting her Instagram to private, at least until she and Beth get caught up on “Succession.”