CINCINNATI – Horror struck local man Brad Allen today as he exited the electronics section of popular retailer Target and saw the person he described as “the most fucking annoying guy ever” walking straight towards him with an unidentified older woman.
“I just came to Target to get a new case for my phone and, just as I am about to start heading towards the register, I see that dude, Clint (Worrick). He is so fucking annoying, man. Any time I see him at shows, he always acts like my best bud and gives me a hug. I don’t need that shit, we aren’t friends,” Allen said.
Allen immediately jumped into action, making an evasive move from Worrick’s line-of-sight and heading straight through the maternity section.
“I cut through the pregnant lady stuff and ended up in the kitchenware section. I kept checking down aisles to make sure I didn’t accidentally run into the guy; what started out as simple trip has turned into a very low-stakes game of cat and mouse,” Allen said, as he peaked his head towards the cash registers.
The Hard Times caught up with Candice Ford, assistant manager of the Target, to ask if this was an everyday occurrence.
“Fun fact: Target stores are actually designed to help you hide from people you don’t want to see. We are a community store, and the fact of the matter is that most people in the community are very annoying. The last thing you need is insignificant small talk when you are trying to buy socks and paper towels,” Ford said.
After successfully navigating the self-checkout, Allen broke into a near sprint to reach his car, letting out a celebratory yelp as he opened his car door.
“Woo, I did it, man; I fucking did it. What a rush. Feel my chest – my heart is beating like crazy.”
Worrick was also concerned when informed of Allen’s presence at Target.
“Shit, did he see me shopping with my mom? I really hope he didn’t see me. I should text him later and see if he wants to jam,” Worrick said.
Photo by Dogmadic.