SANTA FE, N.M. — Local man Scott Bernaki, 34, is currently contemplating the series of life choices which led to him deciding to get a full-back “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” tattoo, sources close to the matter report.
“It’s mostly in memory of my Dad,” said Bernaki. “He’s not dead, but we kinda don’t know where he is anymore. You know? He’s a real one. But like… also, he was gone a lot when I was a kid. He was a trucker, so he’d sometimes be on trips for three or four years at a time. But whenever he came home, he’d always wake me up and sit me down and we’d watch Adult Swim shows together. It was nice. Sure hope I see him again.”
Friends of Bernaki reported that his story about the origins of the tattoo left out a long history of middling life choices, career stagnation, problem drinking, and delayed child-support payments for his own son.
“Scott’s always been a bit of a wanderer, I guess,” said Bernaki’s best friend since childhood, Greg Mallent. “I remember he left college after three semesters and said he was gonna start the next Apple Computers in his garage. Then he got that job at Gamestop and I guess he just never left. I shouldn’t be surprised that he wants a giant image of Master Shake or the Mooninites down his back. At least it’s better than three years ago with the whole ‘I’m gonna take up golfing’ fiasco.”
Rob Flank, the tattoo artist responsible for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force backpiece, provided his expert insight
“People get tattoos like this all the time,” said Flank. “I’ve learned not to ask questions. All kinds of folks come in here and ask for stuff like Jack Skellington drinking a cup of coffee with bags under his eyes or, God forbid, Porky Pig really giving it to Elmer Fudd. Usually, these dudes are freshly divorced, in middling jobs and one bad Christmas away from drinking a Windex martini.”
At press time, sources reported that Bernaki was considering an additional tattoo of Dr. Weird, with a caption reading “GENTLEMEN!”