PENNSAUKEN, N.J. — The makers of the Scrub Daddy recently introduced a new companion product, the “Scrub Sub,” which is meticulously designed to drink up the filthiest, naughtiest messes with pleasure.
“We realized that some people need to unleash a little aggression during cleaning. Unlike its smiley-faced counterpart, the Scrub Sub offers a submissive approach to grime, that really lets you unleash on stubborn stains,” Scrub Daddy marketing director Hannah Miller said while violently twisting the Scrub Sub in her hand. “There’s a satisfaction in dominating a sponge that doesn’t just clean but likes to get dirtier in the process. The Scrub Sub deserves to be governed. The Scrub Sub wants to be coated in the most disgusting fluids and thank you for it. It’s a sponge that’s here to take it, no matter how nasty things get.”
Not everyone, however, is on board with this spongy new product.
“Honestly, this is a bit much,” commented TikToker Darcy Simmons, a cleaning enthusiast and so-called “Sponge Influencer.” “Cleaning should be about the satisfaction of reaching a spotless result, not about indulging in the dirty. The Scrub Sub seems like a gimmick—what happened to just getting things clean without all this… subtext? They say once you grip the Scrub Sub, it will let you push it as hard and long as you need. Oh, wow, ok that’s kind of exhilarating. It starts off as a soft sponge but gets firmer the harder you scrub. I take back everything I said and am open for sponsorships.”
Experts believe that, in an era of repressed desires, the Scrub Sub is exactly what the cleaning world needs.
“In human development, people want to dominate their environment, but they don’t always get that opportunity,” Dr. Amanda Barnes, professor of Consumer Psychology at Franklin University explained. “Having a product like this sponge gives people a safe way to assert power over something. It allows them to release a side of themselves that wants to punish, especially over something that wants to yield to that punishment. The Scrub Sub is therapeutic for those pent up urges of, um, many types.”
As of press time, Scrub Daddy is still working on giving the Scrub Sub the ability to express a safe word for when things get too dirty.