KEENE, N.H. — Family court judge Deanna Westcock was unexpectedly persuaded to reconsider a tense custody battle following a stirring acoustic bass solo by the defendant in closing arguments, sources close to the case reported.
“In 30 years on the bench I’ve seen grown men beg, grovel and weep for my mercy, and none of it has had a fraction of the impact that that acoustic bass solo had on me,” Judge Westcock remarked while removing her robe to reveal a Jill Sobule shirt. “It started like any other acoustic bass solo; a random sequence of Dorian arpeggios drowned out by string noise and fret buzz. But gradually it bloomed into this moody meditation on personal flaw, the weight of shame, and the grace of redemption. The sheer humility of it all was undeniable. Clearly this man had already begun the transformation into the father and husband he was always meant to be.”
Defendant Aaron “Stash” Gavin, who acted as his own attorney, shared what inspired him to choose such an unconventional closing argument.
“Acoustic bass is what got me into this mess, so I knew it was the only way out,” Gavin explained while using flashcards to relearn his kids’ names. “The judge was just staring at me so I played what I felt, and what I felt was the sense that my family is more important than playing in three Dispatch cover bands. The deeper I went into the solo the more it dawned on me that jamming along to ‘Days of the New’ is no replacement for going to my kids’ baseball games and dance recitals. At one point I went completely out of body into arpeggio oblivion, but when I came back it was clear to me and everyone else in the room that I would never let acoustic bass come between me and my family again.”
Law professor Vernon Twack illustrated just how make-or-break a courtroom musical performance can be.
“An intimate rendition of ‘Justifiable Homicide’ by Dying Fetus is a classic tactic in capital cases to sway a jury heading into deliberation,” Twack explained while letting AI grade term papers. “But it can easily backfire. In one high-profile jaywalking case a defendant played ‘Stairway to Heaven’ not realizing the judge paid for law school working at Guitar Center. He overruled the jury’s not guilty verdict and gave the guy a life sentence. As for Judge Westcock’s change of heart, it turns out acoustic bass can do more than make a campfire jam even lamer.”
At press time, Gavin and his two kids were spotted outside Trader Joe’s performing as a Rusted Root cover trio.