LOS ANGELES — The White House Correspondents’ Association surprised potential guests by announcing Jeff Dunham’s most racist puppet, Bubba J, will host their annual dinner event in hopes of attracting President Trump, sources confirmed.
“The Correspondents’ Dinner is a wonderful event where we get to raise money and lightly roast the Commander-in-Chief, but historically President Trump hasn’t attended because he’s afraid someone might make fun of his hair, his weight, how bad he smells, his huge ass, his makeup, his terrible children, his subpar intellect, his multiple felonies, just to name a few,” said WHCA Officer Sara Lockerbie. “We know Bubba J isn’t like our normal hosts. Bubba J likes NASCAR, drinking Bud Light, and eating roadkill. We figure maybe the president will like that more than an SNL cast member. But hey, with how things are going right now, most journalists might be executed before the event so this could all be pointless.”
Bubba J admitted he was initially hesitant to accept the offer to host.
“I heard they were serving dinner, but I doubt it was anything I’d like. I like to eat me some possum and skunk stew fresh from the highway,” said Bubba J while pausing for laughter that will never come. “I’m just your average guy. I like watching car races, storming government buildings, and setting the woods on fire behind my house. I’d love the President to hear some of my jokes. I got a really good one about how toads should be able to drive, and how I love to drink beers. I’ve also got some great material about maintaining the purity of the American bloodline that will crush. In fact, David Duke loved my act when the KKK put on a Comedy Central-like roast of him.”
President Trump still has not given any indication if he will attend the event or not.
“I’ve seen the comedians that host the dinner. They aren’t funny. At my campaign stops I always had people laughing. I say we need to lock up Hilary Clinton and they double over laughing. People tell me I’m the funniest person in the world. Just the other day I had Joe Rogan come up to me, very funny man, a short man, way shorter than you might think, and he tells me I should do standup,” said Trump. “I’ve seen Bubba J before, I have to admit he’s pretty good, but I don’t like the people he hangs around with. There is that skeleton terrorist, that’s a bad dude. And the jalapeno friend of his is even more dangerous. Keep that puppet away from your daughter.”
At press time, Dunham admitted to being in awe of Elon Musk’s puppet work with President Trump.