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Horror Punk Band Inspired By A24 Only Writes Songs About Family Trauma

WICHITA, Kan. — Local horror punk outfit Shattered Heirloom reportedly only writes songs about family trauma as they are influenced by indie entertainment company A24, according to eyewitness reports from fans and scene participants.

“There’s no ghoul or goblin that’s anywhere near as scary as what’s inside the head of someone raised in a toxic family environment,” said Ambrose Pruchitt, frontperson of Shattered Heirloom. “We carefully curate our onstage color palettes to make us look like characters out of a twisted lullaby instead of some schlocky B-movie. It’s an elevated music experience, with no cheap guitar thrashing or drum solos. Our songs are designed to make you look inward at the demon you’ve become as a result of your mom yelling at you because you forgot about a science fair project.”

Other members of the niche subgenre disagree with Pruchitt’s thematic choices regarding songwriting.

“Look, I didn’t get into this kind of music to do more thinking,” said Willa Gilbert, vocalist of The Skulkers. “You think I wear all this makeup and spikes and shit because I wanna sing about paternal dynamics, the lasting effects of trauma, and heavy-handed metaphors? Fuck off with that. This may look goofy to some people, but it’s important work keeping the spirit of Halloween alive year-round. Like it or not, those pretentious douchebags wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the Misfits, so shut up, put some facepaint on, and write me some songs about slimy zombie teens from outer space.”

According to film historian Nick DeRosa, these trends indicate a larger shift rippling through the film and music worlds.

“Due to growing pressure from outlets like Letterbox and Film Twitter, we’re seeing cinephiles of all stripes forced to imbue their favorite films with deeper meaning to give the impression they’re doing something more intellectually stimulating than sitting there on the couch watching a movie,” said DeRose. “There’s greater cultural demand to have something to be a smug little git about, and that void is getting filled. We can only hope the Death Stranding movie brings the trifecta of games, film, and music snobs together.”

At press time, Shattered Heirloom dedicated a song to anyone impacted by the life-changing trauma of seeing their parents get divorced at 50.