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Groom Spends First Dance Gazing Longingly at Wedding Band’s Pedal Board

MINNEAPOLIS — Local groom and longtime guitarist Parker Anderson gazed longingly at the wedding band guitarist’s illustrious pedal board during the first dance with his new wife Allison Grant at the ceremony’s reception, confirmed sources who sympathized with the groom now that they had a good look at it.

“I used to play lead in a shoegaze-influenced post-punk dark psychedelic band called Fake Jan and I thought I had a pretty sweet setup with 15 effects, but this guy has 23! It’s stunning. Positively radiant! It’s making me want to get the Fender Jaguar and fuzz equipboard back out and bring it on my honeymoon with us,” Anderson said, kneeling on the bandstand posing for pictures with the gear. “Allison looked good in her recently departed grandmother’s vintage dress and all. But a day I see Zakk Wylde wah, Fulltone Full-Drive overdrive, and a Klon Centaur is a day I will always remember.”

Despite Anderson’s distracted behavior, the bride tried to express a level of understanding.

“It’s no secret Parker is a total guitar geek. Our second bedroom is filled with tech stuff, he plays his heart out with his bar band, and he even wrote in his dating profile that he had ‘GAS, or Gear Acquisition Syndrome.’ It’s cute,” Grant said, sitting at the sweetheart table alone. “I have hobbies too. I just wish he was spending the reception with me instead of the sound guy. It was bad enough that he made the photographer spend an hour and a half snapping pictures of the guitar player’s gear.”

According to couples therapists, a distracted groom is a common complaint from their partners.

“The pressure of the wedding day can put strains on a relationship, but understanding and communication can help a couple through the high-pressure event,” said expert Jordana Kirigoe. “But the pain points on the day of can highlight potential future issues. Focusing on the guitarist’s pedal set too much on such an important day will likely lead to tension. Speaking from experience, my partner got very upset when I purchased a J Mascis Jazzmaster with custom Kinman Guitar Electrix ThickMaster Zero-Hum pickups and an Adjusto-Matic bridge with vintage-style floating tremolo tailpiece. He considered that cheating on the Epiphone that he once bought me. Years later, we are no longer together.”

In the weeks following the wedding, Grant reported that the couple established an arrangement where he would reunite his former band and she will keep hooking up with her ex.