SAN FRANCISCO — A group of amateur ghost hunters recently declared they’ve captured evidence of paranormal activity in an abandoned Denny’s, claiming that the restless spirit of a deceased punk is making his or her presence known through the faint rattling of a wallet chain.
“It was during one of our EVP sessions in the abandoned Denny’s kitchen when we first heard it. A subtle, metallic jingling, like the unmistakable sound of a wallet chain rattling against a plastic chair,” Hank Moran, head of Bay Area paranormal investigative team The Spectral Seekers, recounted. “Perhaps it’s Sid Vicious, forever doomed to wander the mortal realm in search of his last Moons Over My Hammy. We’ve got to keep on the lookout for his Nancy. Er, maybe.”
Skeptics, however, do not believe that footage portrays anything preternatural.
“I find the notion of a ghostly wallet chain rattling in a decaying chain diner about as plausible as finding Bigfoot ordering a Grand Slam breakfast,” noted paranormal debunker Geneva Nelson said after reviewing the evidence. “It is probably a normal, flesh-and-blood punk that is just squatting in the Denny’s, or a family of raccoons. Either way, these guys are gonna have to get tested for rabies.”
Dr. Evelyn Monroe, a renowned expert in paranormal history, isn’t so quick to call the footage bunk.
“It wouldn’t be entirely surprising if the spirit of a punk rocker decided to make this place his eternal stomping ground. Ghosts like to haunt places where they spent a lot of time, and a Denny’s around midnight makes perfect sense,” remarked Dr. Monroe. “Ghosts also appear in places where they experienced a lot of pain. And frankly, a Denny’s is ideal. Where else can you find a perfect potent combination of angst and gastrointestinal distress?”
As of press time, the Spectral Seekers claim to have captured a ghostly voice from within the Denny’s asking if anyone can cover them this time for their coffee.