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DIY Bro Invents Elaborate, Edgy Origin Story to Cover Up Fact He Discovered Favorite Songwriter on TikTok

WEST CHESTER, Penn. — Self-proclaimed “DIY bro” Clifton Mansfield reportedly concocted a convoluted and completely fictitious backstory as to how he discovered his favorite new songwriter, sources who aren’t fooling anyone confirmed.

“So, I was totally at this, like, underground punk house show, when I saw this guy Petey play for the first time. It blew my mind! Yeah it was real punk rock shit like that, and definitely not me mindlessly flipping through TikToks during a particularly difficult poop,” regaled Mansfield while wiping away panic sweat from his forehead. “You believe me, right? I mean, I’m a real ‘DIY or die’ dude. I discover music the old-fashioned way: in a collapsing basement venue through a haze of store-brand cough syrup. That’s fucking punk!”

Despite his best efforts, sources close to Mansfield continue to express disbelief of his farcical claims as to how he discovered Stanky Lewis.

“As much as Clifton tries to convince us that he found out about Petey at, as he describes it, ‘basically fight club,’ we all know it was actually one of the ‘Puff Sullivan’ videos,” remarked friend Sarah Hawthorne. “Personally, I don’t see any shame in finding new artists through social media. But for whatever reason Clifton just needs us all to believe he ‘got jumped by shiftless skinheads’ the same night he started listening to Petey on Spotify. I guess it’s harmless, but unnecessary nonetheless.”

Social media influencer Gareth Glimmers, who is currently blowing up on whatever Vine turned into, gave their perspective on finding artists through these platforms.

“Look, it’s rough out there. People can’t be expected to drag their asses out to shows all the time and also bother to pay attention to the opening band. What kind of sociopath would even conceive of such a thing?!” said Glimmers, who sources have confirmed is extra. “Social media is a pipeline to get content directly into people’s eye and ear holes, and you control it all – what’s more DIY than that? But if some people still need to act like they found their favorite folk punk song because they got drunk and went to a show in a corn maze, hey, more power to ‘em. I still get that ad money either way.”

At press time, Mansfield’s story now, inexplicably, involves ninjas.