PITTSBURGH, Pa. — An employee at a local dive bar and eatery, Rock Room, shocked co-workers and customers alike after revealing he holds a food handler’s license, putting everyone at risk of looking like dorks by association, sources close to the unfolding story reported.
“If I had known, I never would have hired him,” said the manager of Rock Room, David Vasquez. “Guests expect some level of disservice when they come here, and he’s mocking that precedent. It was obvious he wasn’t qualified for this job when I noticed he used tongs to garnish drinks instead of his hands. Everyone knows those tongs are there for show in case the health department stops by.”
The purported food-and-drink expert, Mark Whatley, paid thirty dollars to take an hour-long training course and even took a forty-question test in hopes of getting a leg up on the competition when applying to restaurant positions.
“I tried to explain to my manager that I’m usually much more irresponsible than this,” said Whatley, “But he’d already made up his mind. I wish he were around to see when I re-used silverware I dropped on the ground last week, or even yesterday when my bar rag got a little dry and I used some spit to clean one of the high tops. If only I had one more chance, I could prove I serve a risk to potential customers.”
This state-issued document is considered essential for anyone handling food and is often relied on by law for cooks, servers, and bartenders, but the topic is still up for debate.
“He got his food handler’s license to work at a dive bar?” asked veteran health inspector Brian Dickerson, unable to stifle his laughter. “That’s so lame. A food handler’s license is required in the same way a concealed carry permit is ‘required’ in Texas. A dive bar is a place where people go to feel unsafe and vaguely sick afterward, and he’s taking away from that dining experience by making sure meat is being stored at the right temperature.”
At press time, Rock Room management was seen firing a bartender after finding out she once attended a mixology course.