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Cool Office Allows Dog Fighting

SAN FRANCISCO — Tech startup Ampt Ventures announced on Tuesday that, in an effort to cultivate a fun, company culture, their Bay Area office now allows dog fighting.

“When drafting our company values, it was important for us to create an environment in which the well-being of our employees came first. What better way to convey that than by allowing them to bring their dogs to the office to freely roam around, get pats, and challenge other pups to battle?” said CFO Christy Sawyer. “Just hearing the barking and howling coming from the conference room where a pup is taking some annoying Chihuahua to task can really help get you through an afternoon slump.”

Executives believe the company policy, ratified several months ago with a scheduled rollout this week, will help break up the monotony of the day and improve the overall mood of the office.

“Maybe you’re on a strict deadline, or dealing with a difficult client. It’s virtually impossible to feel stressed when you’ve got some sweet, floppy-eared, wet-nosed little fella rolling around at your feet, absolutely mauling a Shiba Inu or Labradoodle from the first floor,” said Sawyer. “It’s been proven that having pets around the office alleviates anxiety, and frankly, I’m surprised more workplaces don’t allow dog fighting.”

Although most expressed enthusiasm for allowing dog fighting at the office, Human Resources Director Hannah Kohn admitted she was hesitant to agree to the new policy at first.

“I worried that all the barking might cause a disruption or effect productivity around here, but the dogs’ presence seems to be a welcome distraction,” said Kohn. “Sure, we have the occasional territorial marking on the carpet or knocked-over trash can, but the owners know they’re responsible for cleaning up any blood stains or debris. Now I can’t imagine working in some stuffy corporate office where you don’t have little fur babies playfully ripping each other’s ears off outside the supply closet.”

Indeed, Sawyer noted that the arrangement has been positive for her team, and sees it as “a real win-win, as long as everyone is using their time wisely and being smart with their bets.”