MILWAUKEE – Local FM classic rock station 104.7 WRFM proudly advertises its daily rotation of playing “all the hits” despite the fact that the hosts only play two songs on an endless loop, frustrated sources on their morning commutes confirmed.
“For over 40 years, Wisconsinites have been dialing in to get their daily dose of skull-crushing rock, which we always deliver with minimal commercial interruption,” said station D.J. Randy Mifflin. “We’re known for playing all the hits from the ‘70s and ‘80s, including Boston, to keep that head banging throughout your day. If you’re looking for something to satisfy your Boston itch, boy, have we got the stuff for you. Just be sure to turn the volume up to drown out your complaining neighbors. After all, this ain’t your grandpa’s radio station.”
Milwaukee resident Brett Murphy reacted with equal parts exasperation and frustration.
“I’ve completely given up on WRFM,” Murphy responded. “If I hear those opening acoustic chords to ‘Peace of Mind’ one more time I’m going to lose my fucking mind. I work in a garage that only has a radio, too, so it’s not like I can put on Spotify or anything. Their DJ even makes comments like ‘time to get the Led out!’ even though I’ve never even heard him play so much as ‘Black Dog.’ At this point I’ve switched to another station that only plays ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ and like, four songs by the Eagles.”
Broadcasting expert Keisha Brouchard commented on the impact of the disconnect between local radio stations and their listeners.
“People who still listen to FM radio withstand an unbelievable amount of repetition,” said Brouchard. “Whether it’s the constant barrage of shitty Twisted Tea commercials or the need to continuously spin ‘Crazy Train’ for whatever reason, stations are seemingly unaware that they are pushing their listeners to descend into madness. The human brain is only capable of enduring so much, and what we hear on FM radio isn’t all that different from actual torture when you think about it. In fact, the CIA can save itself time by just turning on a nearby radio in lieu of creating those torture playlists out of Drowning Pool songs and the Meow Mix theme.”
At press time, WRFM announced it would be expanding its catalog by playing the first 15 seconds of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” three times every hour.