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Boomer at Restaurant Can’t Wait to Tell Server How Much He “Hated” His Dinner

TUCSON, Ariz. — Local 68-year-old Glen Darrington reportedly couldn’t wait to tell his server how much he “hated” his dinner while dining at the Cracker Barrel early last night, confirmed sources.

“Oh boy! When the server clears my plate, I’m gonna tell ‘em that I absolutely despise my meal. But guess what? I actually loved it,” said Darrington before asking a server if his dinner was free since he didn’t see a price on the menu. “See? Look at my clean plate! I ate the whole damn thing! Get it? That’s top tier, Jay Leno-level comedy. I really think I should pursue a career in stand up. I mean, how hard could it be? I’ve been making people in the hospitality industry almost laugh for 30 years and if that doesn’t make me a comedian, I don’t know what does.”

Darrington’s wife simply had enough of her husband’s self-proclaimed “comedic genius.”

“Do you know what he does? He practices his restaurant material in the car on the way to the establishment. He tries different phrasings, different voices, different deliveries—it’s unbearable,” said Dana Darrington. “He regularly uses the phrase, ‘I don’t need sugar for my coffee. I’m sweet enough.’ And he still opens the bill while saying, ‘What’s the damage?’ and then saying something like ‘Woo boy, do you want my arm or my leg as a payment?’ I usually just try to guzzle a couple of bottles of chardonnay so I can black out before the end of the meal. My therapist OK’d it, I think.”

Cracker Barrel server Anna Granger is reportedly quite experienced in the “hated my meal” joke arena.

“Ya know how they say that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings? Every time I hear this joke, a little part of me dies inside. Actually, A big part of me dies. Yeah, I’d say I’m dead inside,” said Granger halfway through her 12-hour shift. “But hey, I’m a pro. And the pros know that the only way to get a good tip is to pretend to laugh your ass off. So yeah. I go full Jimmy Fallon on dudes like this. Boomers just eat up jokes that everyone has heard a million times before. It’s almost like they have no clue how jokes work.”

At press time, Darrington decided to leave zero tip on his tab despite it being “one of the best meals of his life.”