MANCHESTER, N.H. — The Foxhole Saloon, bartender Mickey Stevens reportedly maintains the trashy ambiance of the bar by dumping a beer on the floor every fifteen minutes, according to several grateful sources.
“Like clockwork, I fill up a draft beer, yell ‘make a hole!’ to alert bar patrons I’m about to dump this sucker straight onto the floor. This lets our guests know this isn’t some swanky establishment for the King of England, this is for hard-working, blue-collar folk who prefer drinking in squalor,” said Stevens as he took a sip of a draft pilsner before emptying it onto the ground. “The ABV level has to be at least 4.8% and every fifteen minutes is really the sweet spot, anything longer and it starts to smell like a bar that accepts credit cards. The smell also lets customers know what the fuck we’re about the second they walk in the place and wards off any unwanted high-maintenance clientele which is just an added perk.”
Local bar regular, Johnny Fitz, was seen clearing people out of a two-by-two-foot area in the bar in preparation for the next beer dump before making a statement.
“I like to think I’m like the bouncer of the whole operation, I clear people out of the beer zone,” said Fitz who clearly gave himself the role and whose bar stool seemed permanently glued to the floor due to some type of draught adhesive that formed from spilled beer. “Mickey knows how to keep the bar homey. I don’t feel obligated to spill my own beer to keep the place how I like it. Not many bartenders take the time to craft an atmosphere like Mickey does.”
Foxhole Saloon owner, Barb Foster, weighed in on the unique process that keeps her dive bar the absolute diviest in a 500-mile radius.
“We’ve been dumping beers on the floor here to retain an authentic vibe for the last thirty years. Every beer poured is carefully selected by our bartender. It’s an art form really,” said Foster. “We then leave it on the floor for the beer to ferment indefinitely which gives our bar its special musty aroma that you only smell in an absolute shithole in the wall. I’m proud the first thing customers smell when they walk is decades of stale hops, bad decisions, and possible mildew. I want their shoes to stick to the floor which also helps with customer retention.”
At press time, the bartender was seen mopping beer into the carpet as an extra precaution.