Rob Steinberg
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WASHINGTON — Vice President J.D. Vance suddenly woke up from a recurring nightmare in which a minimum wage employee wasn’t…
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Max Eckert
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SHIPPENSBURG, Penn. — Local widow Claire Donnelly wouldn’t shut the hell up about her former spouse who tragically passed away…
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WASHINGTON — Popular ‘70s gay icons Village People announced they would be performing at multiple Trump inauguration events and will…
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GAZA CITY, Palestine — Israeli Defense Force First Sergeant Yosef Shochet admitted that he is suffering from terrible nightmares portraying…
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Matt Oriente
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MOSES LAKE, Wash. — Your parents announced that your childhood trauma will now be officially rebranded as “how things were…
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Joe Rumrill
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WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — Disturbed onlookers rolled their eyes as local bozo Sturgill Lacey clearly envisioned himself in an opening…
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Matt Husser
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NEW YORK — The New York City Police Department unveiled a new AI surveillance program that promised to help them…
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Antonio Cruise
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PHILADELPHIA — Local punk scene veteran Chuck Rubenfeld, known for spending the better part of the '90s passing out on…
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Frederick O'Brien
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HELL — The underworld is in chaos after a coup d'état orchestrated by the late American diplomat Henry Kissinger sent…
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Evan Vest
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SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Merch guy Darren Byrum for touring band Hung Jury was found rehearsing his lack of eye…
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