Chris Nakis
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BETHESDA, Md. — Researchers at the National Institute of Health have found that the average American gets most of their…
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Tony Morse
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Noted dildo opponent and serial killer cosplay enthusiast, Ted Cruz, is a serious man known for his steely resolve and…
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Doug Francisco
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NEW YORK — Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson dedicated a segment of his show last night to telling his viewers…
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Stephen Bell
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PACIFIC OCEAN — A male blue whale around 600 miles off the coast of the Aleutian Islands is reportedly ashamed…
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Rick Homuth
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CALABASAS, Calif. — An emotional Kanye West stood outside soon-to-be-ex-wife Kim Kardashian’s bedroom window last night while holding a boombox…
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Bobby Korec
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MEDFORD, N.Y. — Aspiring film buff and possible ADD sufferer Jacob Leftwich spent the entire duration of “The Godfather” yesterday…
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Erin McLaughlin
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HYANNIS, Mass. — Local woman and generally uncertain person Anne Levy is on a desperate quest to validate her supposed…
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Bobby Korec
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DEER PARK, N.Y. — The owners of local rehearsal space Damned Studios released a number of safety protocols yesterday for…
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Zac Lux
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BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused…
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Malcolm Whitfield
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LOS ANGELES — Actor and filmmaker Adam Sandler was forced to dispose of the screenplay for his new film “Hank…
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