CHICAGO — Mike Ditka, legendary Pro Football Hall of Famer better known as Da Coach of Da Bears, was welcomed to Da Heaven by two of his favorite fans, comedy icons Chris Farley and George Wendt, for a long-overdue episode of ‘Swerski’s Superfans.’
“We have nothing but empathy for his loved ones on earth, but we’d be lying if we said we weren’t stoked that Da Coach is now here in Da heaven, where he is enjoying Da beer at Da bar with a couple of his best friends,” Archangel Michael, Da head angel of Da heaven, said in a private press conference at Da pearly gates. “We hope his mourners take joy in knowing that he’s presently deep in a lively and loving sports talk. We also hope they know that we all agree up here that Ditka getting fired from Da Bears—whom he led to a Super Bowl victory in 1986—was a fucking crime.”
At press, God rose into the sky and hurled a football-shaped superstorm in the direction of Lambeau Field, home stadium of Da Green Bay Packers.
