If you’re over the age of 30, and like me, incessantly watched TV while every other kid you knew was outside skateboarding, you probably remember Smilin’ Bob. You know, the creepy guy on the commercial for the erectile dysfunction pills called Enzyte. The whistling, the ear-to-ear smile, the stupid waving etc. Well, a research team at Montana State University-Northern, seemingly bit by the nostalgia bug, decided to catch up with him. While hard to believe, the results are throbbing with amazement.
However, the team catching up with Smilin’ Bob found that it would be no easy task.
“Our team scoured the internet for several minutes before coming to the conclusion that Bob had in fact died in federal prison 6 years ago…but that wasn’t going to hold us back,” Gary Neldridge MSU researcher and project lead explained. “Nostalgia is one heck of a drug, so a couple colleagues and myself grabbed some masks and some shovels, then went off to the Berkeley County cemetery!”
After about 45 minutes of aggressive digging, what they discovered was something none of them could ever have imagined.
“When we popped the casket, and the dust cleared, we all immediately noticed the same thing: Smilin’ Bob’s skull had that patented grin on his face! It was pretty cool, I must say! It was a remarkable find…..Oh, we also noticed his corpse still had a throbbing erection as well,” Neldridge stated. “But how cool was it to have a TV icon right in front of our very own eyes?!”
The team decided to take it a bit further, really trying to get into the life of the man behind the boner.
“Since we had access to Bob’s corpse, which had been remarkably preserved due to the sheer amount of Enzyte that was in his body when he died,” a researcher said. “We thought, ‘the world needs to know the truth behind Bob’s death and that the story of him bleeding to death after a barbell from the prison weight room dropped on his perma-boner was all a myth! Because as we could see, it was all still there, and clearly still functioning even after being dead and buried for all those years.”
Enzyte is a thing of the past now, we’ll never really know how Smilin’ Bob left this mortal coil. Could it have been boner pill-related? Maybe he smiled at the wrong person while being locked up in federal prison? One thing we do know, is that Bob is still Smilin’ even in the grave, and so is his wife!