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What Having Sex in a Mini Cooper in a Festival Parking Lot Taught Us About How Much We Like Talking About Having Done That

As The Hard Times has gotten older, we’ve learned it’s important to reflect on lessons gained from past experiences. There’s one axiom that routinely resonates with us: life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop once in a while and fuck someone in a German-made subcompact, you might miss it.

We might be paraphrasing that a bit. Whatever, here’s what happened that time we got laid and what we learned from it.

It started as these things often do, with our press coverage of a DIY folk-punk festival taking place in the hinterlands of Southern Ohio. We were having a pretty good time when we met a nice lady wearing a velvet hat who told us she knew where to get ecstasy. So, off to the darkened, gravel parking lot we went.

As the MDMA began to kick in and we both started to feel, well, feely about everything, she suggested that no one would probably notice if we got naked in her Mini Cooper for a little while just to see what would happen.

How could we refuse? Being clothed on molly is like being encased in cactus.

So we get in the car and predictably things just start going into other things in the proper order – part of that is because of the drugs, part of its human nature, but mainly it was because both of us could not physically fit in that vehicle together without us being inside each other.

If you think that description is graphic then clearly you’ve never spent forty minutes with your kneecap jammed in a cup holder trying to finish with ecstasy dick.

Anyways, with sex accomplished and the drugs wearing off, we redressed to the best of our abilities and returned to the festival, somehow both enthralled and ashamed by what we had just done. And in the end, we can only be thankful that it was her car and not ours that took the brunt of the intercourse.

So, what did we learn? For starters, detailing pays for itself. But more importantly, being able to brag about having festival sex in a Mini Cooper has given us far more enjoyment than the sex itself could ever hope to.

No offense to whatsername though. We probably should have asked for her name first, but then again she didn’t ask ours either.