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We Ranked Every Grateful Dead Album and They All Came in Last

At first glance The Grateful Dead seems punk as fuck. Their albums all have skulls on them, and those bears are clearly skanking. Unfortunately, after a deep, DEEP dive of their entire discography, (which is fucking huge, by the way,) it turns out this band is all sizzle and no steak. We set out to rank all 166 of the Grateful Dead’s albums and they all tied for dead fucking last.

That’s right. Spot 166 is a 166-way tie between every album this band ever put out. We cannot overstate how disappointed we are. It took us weeks to listen to all of these and not a single one was worthy of even spot 166. How is this even possible? How do you make 166 albums that are all equally terrible?! Four Monkeys locked in a room with instruments would churn out something halfway decent by album 20!

What a long, strange insane waste of time this has been. This band has songs longer than Minor Threats entire discography.

By the end we found that we actually preferred the sounds of our own screams, and so that’s what we did. We sat there listening to these records screaming ourselves mute.

Some of us still haven’t stopped.

Anyway, here’s the list.

(not applicable)

166. 166 way tie: The Grateful Dead, Anthem of the Sun Aoxomoxoa, Live/Dead Workingman’s Dead, American Beauty, Grateful Dead (also known as Skull and Roses), Europe ’72 History of the Grateful Dead, Volume One (Bear’s Choice) Wake of the Flood, From the Mars Hotel, Blues for Allah, Steal Your Face, Terrapin Station, Shakedown Street, Go to Heaven, Reckoning, Dead Set, In the Dark, Dylan & the Dead, Built to Last, Without a Net, One from the Vault, Infrared Roses, Two from the Vault, Grayfolded, Hundred Year Hall, Dozin’ at the Knick, Fallout from the Phil Zone, Terrapin Station (Limited Edition), Live at the Fillmore East 2-11-69, So Many Roads (1965–1995) Sampler, View from the Vault, Volume OneLadies and Gentlemen… the Grateful Dead, View from the Vault, Volume Two Nightfall of Diamonds Postcards of the Hanging, Steppin’ Out with the Grateful Dead: England ’72 View from the Vault, Volume Three, Go to Nassau, Birth of the Dead, View from the Vault, Volume Four, The Closing of Winterland, Rockin’ the Rhein with the Grateful Dead, The Grateful Dead Movie Soundtrack, Rare Cuts and Oddities 1966, Truckin’ Up to Buffalo, Fillmore West 1969: The Complete Recordings, Fillmore West 1969, Live at the Cow Palace, Three from the Vault, Winterland 1973: The Complete Recordings, Rocking the Cradle: Egypt 1978, To Terrapin: Hartford ’77, Winterland June 1977: The Complete Recordings, Crimson White & Indigo, Formerly the Warlocks, Europe ’72: The Complete Recordings, Europe ’72 Volume 2, Dark Star, Spring 1990, Spring 1990: So Glad You Made It, Winterland: May 30th 1971, May 1977, Sunshine Daydream, Family Dog at the Great Highway, San Francisco, CA 4/18/70, Live at Hampton Coliseum, Spring 1990 (The Other One), Wake Up to Find Out Houston, Texas 11-18-1972, 30 Trips Around the Sun: The Definitive Live Story 1965–1995, 30 Trips Around the Sun, Shrine Exposition Hall, Los Angeles, CA 11/10/1967, Capitol Theatre, Passaic, NJ, 4/25/77, July 1978: The Complete Recordings, Red Rocks: 7/8/78, July 29 1966, P.N.E. Garden Aud., Vancouver Canada May 1977: Get Shown the Light, Cornell 5/8/77, Robert F. Kennedy Stadium, Washington, D.C., July 12 & 13, 1989, Fillmore West 1969: February 27th, Pacific Northwest ’73–’74: The Complete Recordings, Pacific Northwest ’73–’74: Believe It If You Need It, Playing in the Band, Seattle, Washington, 5/21/74 The Warfield, San Francisco, California, October 9 & 10, 1980, Dicks picks 1-36, Road Trips volumes 1-4, Daves picks 1-30,

Seriously it’s almost as if these guys were not trying to be punk at all. I’m just glad this is over and I can get back to my Phish bootlegs.