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We Compare the Top Gold-Plated Guitar Cables Instead of Confronting the Reality That We Are Incapable of Writing Songs That Move Others

When it comes to songwriting, the most important thing you need to understand is your audience. But since we’re an emotionless husk with no ability to express our vision of the human condition, we’re gonna focus on our gear instead.

Sadly, we could write the most technically sound song ever composed, but it won’t matter since we can’t connect to our audience. That’s why it’s so important to connect our guitar with high-quality audio cables. Gold-plated cables ensure that our connection to our amp will be crystal clear, which is good since no one at this show gets what we’re going for and we’re starting to worry no one ever will.

When it comes to gold cables, there are two names that stand above the rest: Mogami and Monster. We noticed that any cables from these companies are at least twice the price of their competitors. But that’s nothing near the price we constantly pay for pouring our soul into music that dies in the cold, cold void that is our Bandcamp page.

Mogami cables are known for their longevity and quality control, while Monster has an amazing lifetime warranty. These factors are important because once we invested in one of these gold-plated cables, we were much less invested in our personal failure to connect with fellow humans.

We also found that Monster cables lost a few Hz more of top-end signal around 24kHz, but Mogami tended to lose some deep lows at 6-Hz. While the human ear can’t actually hear either of those frequencies, they aren’t listening to our derivative, generic songs anyway.