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Uh Oh: We Did Too Much Ayahuasca and Now We’re in Queens of the Stone Age

We only landed a spot on the exclusive Ayahuasca Retreat last minute because Vice News had to unexpectedly pull out. Little did we know how much this little trip would change our lives forever — in the form of a signed contract with Queens of the Stone Age.

After years of sharing paint cans and whippet chargers around, we naively expected the DMT not to have too much of an effect on our brains. We should have known we were in over our heads when everyone was rubbing the carpeted yurt with their bare feet before the ritual even began. Nevertheless, we kicked off our Docs, chugged that special brew, and lay back allowing the universe to swallow us into her.

As we got deeper into the vortex that had opened up inside us, I could hear a strange amount of chugging guitar and what sounded like the voice of a Mexican radio host. I didn’t think too much of it until I looked over at my travel companion who was suddenly sporting a leather jacket and a pompadour. I had a sudden and overwhelming desire to get into a jet black 1953 Chevy hot rod with flames up the sides and drive as fast and as far into the California desert as I could. We both recognized at that point that we were experiencing the QOTSA effect.

They had warned us about this at the beginning of the ritual. Some more susceptible ceremony participants have been known to be pulled into the frequencies of the band who are always conveniently jamming right beside the retreat. Ever wondered how Dave Grohl ended up in the band?

Don’t get us wrong, it was kind of rad to fall through a spiritual plane right into the middle of a desert rock jam session. We just thought ayahuasca was supposed to enhance our connection with our own spirituality and the world around us, not cause you to wake up with your hands trembling over a keyboard and Josh Homme sweating uncomfortably close to you.

I was a little nervous when they had us sign the contract in blood but another sip of ayahuasca and me and the boys are howling into our mics like it’s nobody’s business! You can catch us on tour with the band later this year, at any date that doesn’t require us to have a passport.