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Uh Oh! Dad Left You With the Cart to go Get Bread, and the Front of the Line Looms Ever Closer

This certainly isn’t good. You’ve been left alone to watch the cart, and your turn at the cashier is rapidly approaching. But you don’t have money, you’re just a kid, and if something doesn’t change soon you are going to cry so much the store will flood. Your dad said he only needed to quickly grab some bread and that he would be right back, but you see through that bullshit. You know he’s not going to be back anytime soon, he’s probably talking to one of his adult friends about smoking cigarettes and taxes. This is every seven-year-old’s worst nightmare, but I’m sure you’ll be alright.

Your throat begins to dry up, and you feel cold on the back of your neck. Maybe if you try to stand very, very still, both you and the cart will be hidden from sight and you’ll make it out of this alive. That seems like a logical idea. Well, it did seem like a good plan, until you promptly ruined it by sneezing in the most dramatic way possible.

This is going to be fine, trust me. The cashier motioned to the guy in front of you to step forward, which means you’re up next. He has a cart, but on closer inspection, he seems to only be buying butter toffee and cigarettes. Time is running out. You try to peer over the magazines, but unfortunately you’re only four feet tall and can’t see anything over them.

Then you have a genius idea – why not scream that there’s a fire? Then you wouldn’t have to talk to the terrifying cashier at all, though people would quickly realize there is not in fact a fire and you would probably be executed or something like that. That leaves you only one reasonable option: actually starting a fire.

There are lighters for sale right here, so if you just grab one and hold it up to the magazines you’ll be home free. You try it once and nothing happens. The customer in front of you is getting out his wallet, ready to pay. You’re out of time. You flick it again, and again there’s no result. Your tiny little hands are too weak to push down the child safety latch. It’s over.

As you try one more time, it finally works. You have created fire! You bring it up to the gossip magazines, your brilliant plan finally about to come to fruition. You won’t have to talk to the cashier, or anyone! But then finally, after what feels like forever, you see a tall figure on the edge of your vision. You look up, and your father has returned with a single loaf of bread, just as he promised. He looks at you, his expression a mix of confusion and terror.

“Really? I leave for thirty seconds, and you try to start a fire? What the hell is wrong with you?”