The foundation of any good marriage is communication, which is why my wife and I text each other multiple times throughout the day. Whether I’m just checking in to say “I love you” or she’s lambasting me for forgetting to load the dishwasher again, we are completely transparent. But she just texted me something a few hours ago that I can’t quite wrap my brain around.
I think my marriage might not be as perfect as I thought because she just texted me several explicit nude photos of herself followed by “Sorry, wrong number”!
Now before everyone assumes the worst, I am 75% sure I’m not being cucked and those are pretty good odds if you ask me. I know she loves me! Nobody cried (what I assume were tears of happiness) at our wedding harder than she did.
I was pleasantly surprised at first as I thought maybe she was insinuating that I come home early for a surprise until I remembered the only time we ever have sex is on my birthday. But did she really send it to the wrong number? I bet she meant to text her OBGYN, hence the fact she was wearing expensive lingerie. She goes to a pretty reputable clinic.
Granted, the most intimate text message she sent me in the last three years was a reminder to get strawberries while I was at the grocery store. I thought she wanted to incorporate some food play into the bedroom but it turns out she just needed them for a pie.
Okay, let’s play devil’s advocate and say that it was meant for another man, or woman! I’m not a bigot. What am I supposed to do, break her trust and read her text messages when she’s in the bathroom? I couldn’t anyway since she constantly brings her phone with her when she showers.
Fuck it, I’m going to ask who was supposed to be on the receiving end of her tits. Christ, I can’t afford a divorce attorney in this economy. Maybe if— oh, she’s texting me back. What does “she’s busy” mean? I’ve never known her to speak in third person. She must be out with her work friend again!
Oh well, I guess we can table this discussion when she gets in tomorrow morning.