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This Shelter Dog Looks Just Like Gene Simmons So We Are Putting It Down

It is a time of uncertainty in the world. Between a global pandemic, unemployment, and scarce resources, no one knows anything for sure anymore. Well, a photo of a shelter dog bearing a stunning resemblance to KISS member Gene Simmons is blowing up on Reddit right and there’s one thing we are certain of — we need to raise awareness to this poor doggo’s condition and implore the shelter to put this thing out of its misery.

No being, man or beast, should be forced to live life looking like this. We are doing this poor guy a favor. People walk by his pen and recoil in horror as they are immediately reminded that KISS exists. It is not fair to the patrons and the shelter workers, let alone this poor doggy. Let’s just take this thing out back and put a love gun to its head.

The shelter is actually a no-kill shelter so we’re gonna have to work really hard to end this dog’s suffering. Perhaps a petition to transfer him to a high-kill shelter would be the most proactive route to take. Or maybe burn the whole shelter down. This dog does not want to rock and roll all night. He wants to die. We put a mirror in front of him and the look in his eyes said “Detroit rock city.” Do we need further proof?

God may have given rock and roll to you, but this dog was a gift from Beelzebub, himself. Unfortunately, we can’t do anything about Simmons and his shitty music but we can do something about this unfortunate mongrel. Typically I am not a proponent of eugenics but this was a mistake of nature. It is our duty to correct that mistake. Please, look into your hearts and kill this dog.